You look kind of familiar, but…
– … wait, are you in my Monday Night Choir?
– No.
– How about… my book club?
– No.
– Maybe my bridge group?
– No.
– Friend of John’s?
– No.
– Um… daughter’s mother? No. Clerk at Provigo? No. Bus driver? No. Resident in my building? No. High-school classmate from decades ago? No.
– Then who the heck are you, dagnabbit?!?!
Openverse image adapted by John Boone
It has a name, I found out. This inability to recognize and/or remember faces. Its name is rather scary, until you start reading about it and discover that it’s on a continuum. It’s not like you either have it or you don’t, black or white. You might have just a bit of it, or a lot, or somewhere in the middle. I guess I’m “grey.”
Even if I’m only grey on this black-white scale, it causes a lot of awkwardness whenever someone warmly greets me and my brain is buzzing at 60 miles an hour, going “Whozit? Who’s she? Whaaa? Where? Who? When?!!” …and simultaneously I’m smiling back at her but also hyperventilating due to my distress and the speed of my thoughts – IN VAIN! Who is she?!? (See all questions above!) This happens more frequently than I like, especially when I meet the person in a setting that is totally different from the one I usually see her in. But I only realize that aspect later – when she takes pity on me and tells me her name, and explains our connection (if necessary)!
It’s called prosopagnosia. It’s a mouthful, I know. Here, this dictionary entry has the pronunciation of it, if you click on the little speaker icon next to the word: https://www.thefreedictionary.com/Prosopagnosia.
I found it comforting when I first learned this name, simply called “face blindness,” and to know many others have it too. The old adage, “misery loves company,” might be close to this feeling. There are degrees of misery, I know that, of course. It’s just reassuring to realize that it’s not only my handicap, this problem with face memory.
I am capable of remembering a face IF I see it multiple times, though! Which means that the second, third, and maybe the fourth time I see you, I might still get it wrong. Those are the times I turn red with embarrassment. But – hallelujah! The glorious fifth time! 😃 I feel like a lottery winner, then!
For a clear and concise overview of face blindness or prosopagnosia, you can start here.
Hopefully the next time you see me, I’ll remember who you are, and even your name. That would be magical! But if I just can’t place you yet, you’ll understand. Be seeing you! 😉
Crossed Eyes and Dotted Tees 
I love it! I discussed prosopagnosia with my psychology classes. I skimmed the link but didn’t find any acknowledgement of memory that is dependent on cues from the environment: why you don’t always recognize your doctor when he’s wearing sweats and you run into him in the grocery store. And then, there’s this: High school students have 7-8 teachers/year. Their teachers, however, have more than a hundred students each year. The young people come back to campus to say hello. Of course, they change as they mature. Gain or lose weight. Lose hair. Grow their hair longer. Beards. Boob jobs–whatever! It can be very challenging to figure who TF they are when they come back!
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Omg for sure that must be so crazy-difficult! But hey, I’m impressed that this topic made it to your psych class! Very cool.
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Worst when someone greets me at the supermarket! So completely out of context!
An adjacent brain exercise is watching Britbox shows and trying to figure out in which previous shows and roles had I seen a particular actor!
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Aieee! The supermarket!! Luckily I have a ‘partner in crime,’ aka my husband, so we take turns looking up actors. He sticks to Google, I like the IMDb… where I am also listed, by the way! 😀
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I have heard of this before (but forgot the name). I have the opposite problem. I rarely forget a face but almost never remember names unless it’s someone I encounter on a regular basis. It’s been going on since my teens. So I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. 🙂
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Er… I think I have both afflictions. (sob!) Smiling and nodding, smiling and nodding, and I think I’m turning into my mother… Yikes.
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The beauty of the problem (I think) is that we all suffer it to some extent. My go-to habit is just to remind people who I am and where we know each other so they don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Now, if everyone else would just return the favor!
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Ooh, I like that! So you *assume* they might not remember you, and you pre-empt the problem! Yes, I wish everyone did that too!
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