A bonus Laughter post for you! Because we need the laughs now.
The “Stress Diet” 😉
The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
The rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
Rules for this Diet:
- If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
- If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
- When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.
- Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
- If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
- Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Smarties, Tootsie Rolls and Twizzlers.
- Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
- Food licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
- Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
- Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.
- Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
- Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories, since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!