As John and I approach our First Anniversary of living together (this Sunday at 1 a.m., but who’s counting), I thought a little list of what we’ve learned might be in order. To wit:

7 Rules & Must-haves for Couples Who Want to Live
Together in Harmony & Peace –
or at least in one Piece

1. Sense of humour. This is paramount (or at least Warner Brothers, MGM or Universal). If you don’t have this, there isn’t much hope for you as a couple (OR as a single)!
2. Ability to apologize. Unlike the tagline of the 1970 movie, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” you must be able to say you’re sorry when necessary… if only so you can continue sharing the same bed as your Significant Other (S.O.). At least for that night.
3. Always choose a partner who can cook better than you… or who isn’t as lazy as you are concerning stove-related matters.
4. Employ the following rule whenever your S.O. starts saying anything you disagree with. This will show how mature you are. Say, quickly and loudly: “Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh…” Laughter will ensue, guaranteed… and you’ll forget what you were arguing about in the first place.
5. The Bed-lamp Rule. At bedtime, you must always keep your night-table lamp on until your partner swings around the bed to get to their own light to turn it on. Only then can you turn yours off. Any deviation from this rule will lead to the immediate necessity of employing #2.
6. Sharing of the Cat. The person known as the Interloper must try, really try, to get along with the Cat belonging to the person known as the Owner. This will involve occasional dispensing of treats (to the Cat, not the Owner, although that would be appreciated as well); cleaning up Cat’s hairball messes (since the Interloper prefers his own methods involving Scrubbing Bubbles or hydrogen peroxide); and casual petting (on approved body parts). It does not include staring contests, yelling at her to get off the table (dining or coffee) and the like. The Owner takes care of litterbox cleaning, lap-sharing on the loveseat, and having the cat sleep beside her (not on same side as the Interloper). The Owner believes this is a fair and equitable arrangement where the three residents of the apartment are concerned. She is pretty sure the Interloper doesn’t mind it too much either, since he is still here.
7. Respect. Two partners must share mutual respect. Without it, don’t make any long-range plans involving togetherness. If you can’t muster up a little consideration and appreciation for each other, one of you has gotta go. In sum, best to be loving… not lonely.