Before Surgery

Here’s a handy-dandy guide to pre-surgery preparations.

At least, it’s what I went through before my (minor-ish) surgery recently. It’s in a concise bulleted list, all the better to keep your mind from wandering. Or to keep my mind from wandering while writing it.

  • Pack bag, even though you may not have to stay overnight. Because they said to.
  • Just in case, give boyfriend complete instructions for cat-feeding/litter-box cleaning, even though he’s done this many times before. Because you’re thorough.
  • Get your special bathing materials ready for later. Discover there’s no hot water in your apartment building.
  • Later: still no hot water.
  • Make “date” to shower at your friend’s house. Bring all materials/clothing and walk over there. In the rain. At night. It occurs to you to just shower in the rain, thus skipping a step. But people will look.
  • Shower at friend’s with special soapy sponges given to you by hospital at pre-op session a week before.
Brillo pads
Photo (cc) by Pedro Ribeiro Simões
  • Morning. Still no hot water. Cannot go to friend’s house. Reason: not awake enough. You, not them.
  • Go to hospital. Ask if you can shower there. They say yes. They lead you to shower room/bath room.
  • Take shower with special sponges again. There’s no curtain. Drain is partially blocked, you will discover. Room partially floods.
  • Put on new hospital gowns as previous ones got soaked in shower flood.
  • Answer nurse’s many pre-surgical questions: e.g. “Any allergies?” “Just kiwi.” “Okay, we won’t give you any kiwi.” (snickering)
  • Get poked with a variety (4) of needles. Go to sleep.

Later installments to come… when I feel up to it. 😬😉



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