Feast your eyes, people!
INDEPENDENT PUBLISHER IS ACCEPTING MANUSCRIPTS FOR SUBMISSION 2016
WE ARE A FAMILY PUBLISHING COMPANY AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU
MENTOR YOU
WE WANT WRITERS WITH TALENT
WE ACCEPT ENGLISH AND FRENCH MANUSCRIPTS, POETRY, CHILDREN, NON FICTION, FICTION, COOK BOOK ANYTHING APPROPRIATE
PAGE 30 TO 700 ACCEPTED
WE CAN TRANSLATE BOOKS
WE WANT WRITERS THAT HAVE EXPERIENCED REJECTION BY SHALLOW PUBLISHING COMPANIES SAYING THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
WE WILL NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN
—————
Problems:
- Okay, nobody beyond someone with a grade-one education writes in ALL CAPS.
- No reputable publisher has to advertise for submissions.
- What publisher would want writers without talent?
- They accept CHILDREN. What are they, the Pied Piper?
- They accept COOK BOOK ANYTHING – does that include recipes for, say, fried cockroaches? Oh no, wait, that’s not APPROPRIATE. What the hell is appropriate according to this Grade 1-level outfit?
- PAGE 30 TO 700 ACCEPTED? So I guess you don’t want the first 29 pages.
- Those darn SHALLOW PUBLISHING COMPANIES. Stick with us, We’re DEEP.
- And our grammar is so good, WE WILL NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN.
WE WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR MANUSCRIPT AND HELP YOU UNTIL WE GET IT PUBLISHED
350DOLLARS ONLY EVERYTHING INCLUDED
WE WILL EDIT, BOOK LAYOUT, ISBN
More problems:
- I don’t think I want or need this HELP you are so generously offering… for $350! In fact I think I would pay to not have you “help” me.
- I will happily live without your fabulous EDIT, BOOK LAYOUT and ISBN.
Need I add that all capitalized bits are [sic]!!
Crossed Eyes and Dotted Tees 
That was fun seeing you tear them apart. They deserved it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I had *such* fun doing it! (evil cackle)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ellie,You made me laugh!
I can’t wait until you’re published!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reply to “Evangeline” – not sure if this is going to go in the right place, but anyway: THANK YOU my dear!! You made my day! 😀
LikeLike
Great post, Ellie. I love the statement about not reading the first 29 pages.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Gerri! And doesn’t it all make you [sic]!
LikeLike
In its spare time, this company sends out solicitations from “Nigerian princes” who need help – and money – from Americans to access massive sums of money said to be sequestered in the Central Bank of Lagos.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Now how did you know that! That makes a whole lot of SENCE! 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
The ad is awful. Writing that is all in block capitals gives me a headache. I feel like someone has been shouting at me at full voice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
ME TOO! Sorry… me too! Bad enough that their grammar, syntax etc. are horrible, but to SCREAM it on top of that, ay yi!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s it. Way too noisy. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Crossed Eyes and Dotted Tees and commented:
This was fun to mock – from exactly 7 years ago!
LikeLike
IT WAS CERTAINLY FUN TO READ IT AGAIN! LOL! 😀
(It would be interesting to find out if they had any manuscripts sent to them.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
OH IM SURE THEY DID! LOLOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just tried 6 times to like your answer and it wouldn’t let me. urg!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Weird! Now it did! urg! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh! Lol! What did you change? Nothing? Bizarre!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mer, I often have the same glitch. I discovered that if I undo my virus checker for that page only, I’m then able to ‘like’ it! So weird!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now it seems to be working. Technology-URG! (new book I’m submitting to the above publisher LOL)
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHA!!
LikeLiked by 1 person