Ok, people. This has gone far enough! We have a lovely channel here called Animal Planet. Can you please tell me why it features such idiotic fare as:

• Swamp People – or something like that, close enough!
• Bigfoot – Really, Animal Planet???
• Gator Boys – guys with mullets rasslin’ alligators barehanded. Right.
• Treehouse Masters – should rightfully be on the Home & Garden channel.
• Insane Pools – ditto.
• Redwood Kings – they have a thing for wood, this channel. But where are the animals?!?
• Hillbilly Catfishin’ – Oh, there they are! Barehanded fishin’ – oh boy!
• Cold Water Cowboys – what the…?? Ohh, more fishin’. Ok then.
• North Woods Law – a lotta guns. Not a lotta animals.
• … etc. ad nauseam.

Now, to be sure, they do have a small sprinkling of honest-to-goodness shows about animals, but not every night, and not at all times. You have to really hunt for them. Oops, I said a bad word: hunt. Forgive me.

The Animal Planet channel presents a perfect opportunity to air interesting, educational or even, yes, entertaining shows, without pandering to the lowest of the low. I know there are great animal movies and documentaries out there, and I’m sure some decent half-hour shows can also be planned that aren’t brainless, nor too expensive to produce. Hey, they might even be cheaper than that Bigfoot show… they’d save on the night-vision goggles alone.