Laughter: The Universal Language – #108

You’ll grit your teeth at these… when you’re not laughing! 😜

Photo (cc) by DmDStyle Photographe

Why Athletes Can’t Have Regular Jobs

  1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
    “I want all them kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.”
  2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
    “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”
  3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skins say:
    “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,”
    Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
  4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
    “He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.”
  5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
    “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
  6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
    “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
    (Now that is beautiful.)
  7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
    “You guys line up alphabetically by height.”
    And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”
  8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
    “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”
  9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
    “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
  10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
    “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
  11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
    “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)
  12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
    “I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
    He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”
  13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: (NOW THIS IS FUNNY!)
    “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
  14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
    “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”
  15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips:
    Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss good-bye.” Ouch.


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